Diane

http://www.alittlebent.net - 42 Posts - 49 Comments

NYU – Eli Lilly Drug Trial: Back in NYC

Diane
Back in my hotel room after a long day and night! I flew in on a redeye and the flight here was crowded and I was squished in my seat by a rather large fellow with a robust snore. At least he slept well. 😉 It was 78 degrees when I left, 10 degrees when I landed. Freaking cold!! But I love it. I made my way to the hotel, got an early check-in with no problem, and after a good breakfast I popped over to NYU for my follow-up bloodwork and last official visit for the Pfizer drug trial. Easy

Informational Links about PTSD

Diane
As a follow-up to the post I created yesterday regarding the effects of PTSD on the brain, I’d like to share some links with all of you. If you have research that you would like to share, please feel free to post it in the comments section or send me the information via the send a message form! It is together with knowledge that we find the tools to heal. Elevated brain cannabinoid CB1 receptor availability in post-traumatic stress disorder: a positron emission tomography study PTSD Pharmacotherapy Could Target Cannabinoid Receptors, Study Suggests Marijuana-like compound could lead to first-ever medication

Why can’t you just get over it? There could be a biological reason.

Diane
This question, while highly offensive when asked in the usual manner, deserves an answer. Those of us who suffer from PTSD day after day and year after year – WE deserve answers.And now we are getting them. Do you feel jumpy all the time? Find it impossible to get to sleep? Have recurring nightmares? Are you angry or irritable for no apparent reason? There’s a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with character flaws. Below you’ll see brain scans of three different people: – one who experienced trauma and developed PTSD (PTSD) – one who experienced trauma

Time to Regroup

Diane
Taking a little time to regroup after this last round – and to gear up for the next study. It’s hard to believe that this time next week I’ll be back in New York! Once this is all over with I’ll be posting links to some news articles and other information about the science behind these trial medications. For now, some cuddle time with Cassidy. She’s as glad to have me home as I am to be home. 🙂

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 8: Almost home (for now)

Diane
Heading in for my last fMRI and workup…then on to home this afternoon! Today will be a few hours of some final assessments, and I have to turn in my little medication cooler and dosing diary. There will be a final workup…ECG, vitals and another slew of paperwork to finish. I will have one more fMRI session, then I am homeward bound. I am so ready.

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 7

Diane
So I had one of those crappy starts today. After deciding to sleep in just a little extra today I dreamt of my sister – not really a nightmare, but emotional. I woke up, made myself a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then proceeded to spill milk everywhere! Soggy sandwiches and (argh!!) SOGGY PHONE. The speakers stopped working on my phone, but luckily I was able to take it apart and dry it out with a hairdryer…and it works! Whew. So I said screw it and chucked the sandwiches in the trash and am enjoying a plateful of buttermilk

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 6

Diane
Sleep. The Good Kind. And NYC Shuts Down I am becoming fully convinced that there is nothing quite as healing as a good night’s rest. The past few nights I’ve had the best sleep (and NO nightmares!!) I’ve had in years…I can’t even remember ever sleeping this well. It’s been a deep, restful sleep. Not the kind you get from a sleeping pill. Just a very natural feeling rest. Is it medication? Is it exhaustion? Again, only time will tell. I should find out if I am taking a placebo or medication by May. I know that in just a

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 3

Diane
I’ve been out and about for over 3 hours now. I felt a little anxious on the subway…but I think that was out of concern that I might miss my ferry. It didn’t seem to be the usual something bad is about to happen gut-gripper I usually get. I’ve been able to focus on the sights and enjoy them without getting compelled to run back to the hotel. Oh! And one of the ferry crew began banging loudly on the aluminum benches to scare away the birds…and I didn’t jump. Like, at all. How cool is that? I love good

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 2 – Trial Meds in Hand, On My Own!

Diane
(Original post on Facebook blog can be viewed by clicking here) The hard part is over, and I now have in my possession the remainder of my trial medication. I report back to NYU in just under a week for the final fMRI and to turn in my medication dosing diary. I feel…well, I feel great. Comfortable in my own skin. A feeling I haven’t had in a very long time. Is this the result of the medication or could it be the placebo effect? Again, only time will tell. Whatever it is, I am giving myself permission to enjoy

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 1 Triggering Sessions Begin

Diane
(Original post on Facebook blog can be viewed by clicking here) Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 1 (Visit 2) ….is done. It was a long day, but productive. It’s hard to tell if the meds worked (or if I received actual medication at all – it could be a placebo) because of being in a stressful situation – fMRI scans, mild electrical shocks to the wrist to induce stress, etc. – but the worst is over. Tomorrow I only have one fMRI/trigger session, then I’ll be able to get a better idea of how the meds affect me because I’ll be in a more

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Screening

Diane
Screening went quick and painless today. Got the full work up again, they took some blood samples and cut me loose for the day! I’m proud of myself…I didn’t just hole up in my room! I hopped on the first train I could and ended up at Times Square, then headed down to the 9/11 Memorial which was absolutely beautiful. I have a free day tomorrow, and “the big day” is on Thursday – the day I first start the meds, more brain scans and triggering sessions. One thing at a time though…I’ll be enjoying a nice, quiet night in

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: Scared Shitless, Beyond Ready

Diane
Tomorrow – off to New York for my first round of PTSD-specific research medication. As nervous as I am, I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to participate. It’s been a very long road getting to this point. Thousands of miles travelled, extensive psychological and physical workups, brain scans…but it has been as validating as it has been exhausting. TEN MONTHS of planning and preparation. I have been taken off and put back on my medications FIVE TIMES due to false starts. I am fried. But here I am, FINALLY. After all this time, all the delays, all the

The Nightmare(s) Before New York…

Diane
Three more days until I depart for New York, and I’m not sure if what I am feeling is nervousness, excitement or anxiety. Probably a mix of everything. I want time to stop and speed up at the same time! As much as I dislike taking my routine medication, whenever I go off of it I am reminded as to why I am on it in the first place. Amazingly enough I’ve been able to fall asleep without too much of an issue lately, however the nightmares have been kicking my ass for the past few days. My parents keep

NYU – Pfizer Drug Trial: We are a go for launch

Diane
So the dates are set, tickets are booked and I’m a ‘go’ for launch. And I’m more than a little nervous. As some of you are aware, I took part in a clinical research study several months ago. In a collaborative effort between NYU and Yale, I underwent a series of extensive physical and psychological evaluations as well as MRI and PET scans of my brain. The resulting data reaffirmed my previous diagnosis of chronic, treatment-resistant PTSD. The brain images revealed the presence of specific biological changes in the brain itself which are the direct result of experiencing extremely stressful

Off My Meds – Round Four

Diane
2014 has been a challenging year – and that’s putting it mildly. Due to my continued participation in PTSD Research, I am now once again officially “Off my meds” for the fourth time. It isn’t easy. Having been treated for years with these drugs to help with depression and anxiety, it’s like being a yo-yo. I can’t do this much more. While I understand why this research requires a pharmaceutical-free brain, as I sit here in a constant state of anxiety with nightmares starting to return, at times it is a struggle to keep the faith. I do this because