I really need to get some sleep…I have to be at the hospital for screening at 8:30. The past few nights my parents have been in my dreams again – not doing anything, not saying anything, just watching me and staring at me. It hasn’t been scaring me really; the best way I can describe it is that it has been creeping me out. I really wish I could get the hang of that lucid dreaming thing. Ah well…meditation time. Onward, onward, onward.
Taking a little time to regroup after this last round – and to gear up for the next study. It’s hard to believe that this time next week I’ll be back in New York! Once this is all over with I’ll be posting links to some news articles and other information about the science behind these trial medications. For now, some cuddle time with Cassidy. She’s as glad to have me home as I am to be home. 🙂
Three more days until I depart for New York, and I’m not sure if what I am feeling is nervousness, excitement or anxiety. Probably a mix of everything. I want time to stop and speed up at the same time! As much as I dislike taking my routine medication, whenever I go off of it I am reminded as to why I am on it in the first place. Amazingly enough I’ve been able to fall asleep without too much of an issue lately, however the nightmares have been kicking my ass for the past few days. My parents keep
Just one short week before the beginning of three long weeks of clinical trials. Being off meds has, without being overly dramatic, sucked. But the clock is ticking and before long it will all be over with. After these studies are complete, I will be taking a breather from PTSD research. It’s been a long year, and I’m ready to continue focusing on my own life and all it has to offer. One month from today, I’ll be home and it will be all over. I am ready.
Two days off meds, and I’m aching pretty much everywhere. Going to go rest some more. All will be well.
So the dates are set, tickets are booked and I’m a ‘go’ for launch. And I’m more than a little nervous. As some of you are aware, I took part in a clinical research study several months ago. In a collaborative effort between NYU and Yale, I underwent a series of extensive physical and psychological evaluations as well as MRI and PET scans of my brain. The resulting data reaffirmed my previous diagnosis of chronic, treatment-resistant PTSD. The brain images revealed the presence of specific biological changes in the brain itself which are the direct result of experiencing extremely stressful
Sometimes keeping a positive attitude is ridiculously difficult. The more challenges I face, the more I appreciate the strength of those who really do have the ability to roll with the punches. The PTSD study was delayed once again, which means I’m back on my meds (a good thing), but will have to come off of them again in just a little over a week (a god-awful thing). Thankfully this time the dates are set in stone; as in, the airfare and hotel has already been booked. It’s a good thing, because I’ve just about reached my limit. The ups
2014 has been a challenging year – and that’s putting it mildly. Due to my continued participation in PTSD Research, I am now once again officially “Off my meds” for the fourth time. It isn’t easy. Having been treated for years with these drugs to help with depression and anxiety, it’s like being a yo-yo. I can’t do this much more. While I understand why this research requires a pharmaceutical-free brain, as I sit here in a constant state of anxiety with nightmares starting to return, at times it is a struggle to keep the faith. I do this because
For my fellow nerd-types. 🙂 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1615715/ Allostatic load (AL) is a term used to describe the cumulative physiological wear and tear that results from repeated efforts to adapt to stressors over time. Unlike other psychobiological models of stress that focus on a single outcome variable (e.g., cortisol) or physiological system (e.g., the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal –HPA- axis), the AL model emphasizes multi-system dysregulation. By combining multiple biological risk factors into a composite score, risk for a variety of stress-exacerbated diseases can be assessed in healthy individuals prior to signs and symptoms of clinical disease. Also, use of a composite AL may allow
Drug trial is pushed out for a month – what a bummer. 🙁 I was looking forward to getting it done and over with, but no matter – at least the study won’t be interfering with my annual Halloween haunt activity!