I have a practice on here of being pretty honest about how I’m feeling. Right now I’m in the middle of a big fat FUBAR event. I am certainly dissociating, and have been for several days now. At first I thought it was just going to be a little anxiety attack…nothing unusual. It kept going and growing, but still up until just a few minutes ago I thought it was going to pass. Now I think I might be headed into a full-blown flashback. I’m in a safe place, in contact with my therapist and medical professionals. I am going
Just ONE. MORE. DAY. Today is what’s called the Dosing Challenge Study – based on the flip of a coin, one of the following happens: I receive a placebo I receive 40 mg of pomaglumetad methionil (the study drug) I receive 160 mg of pomaglumetad methionil About an hour before dosing, I have to participate in a behavioral task/triggering session. Electrodes are attached on my body to record muscle movements, mainly under my eyes to track my blinking. Sweating will also be measured. I will receive mild electric shocks to my wrist while listening to bursts of extremely loud white
Rough Day. Rough Night. Getting up this morning was a little rough since I didn’t get to sleep until around 5AM! But I was up at NYU bleary-eyed and bushytailed at 8:30 AM as per schedule. Screening went smooth, I’m getting used to the drill by now. More assessments, blood work, ECG, physical, please pee in this cup, etc., etc., etc. It was just a couple of hours, then I was free to leave. Again I have to say that the staff there is truly amazing. They are understanding and gentle, and treat me with respect. But god I feel
I really need to get some sleep…I have to be at the hospital for screening at 8:30. The past few nights my parents have been in my dreams again – not doing anything, not saying anything, just watching me and staring at me. It hasn’t been scaring me really; the best way I can describe it is that it has been creeping me out. I really wish I could get the hang of that lucid dreaming thing. Ah well…meditation time. Onward, onward, onward.
Back in my hotel room after a long day and night! I flew in on a redeye and the flight here was crowded and I was squished in my seat by a rather large fellow with a robust snore. At least he slept well. 😉 It was 78 degrees when I left, 10 degrees when I landed. Freaking cold!! But I love it. I made my way to the hotel, got an early check-in with no problem, and after a good breakfast I popped over to NYU for my follow-up bloodwork and last official visit for the Pfizer drug trial. Easy
Taking a little time to regroup after this last round – and to gear up for the next study. It’s hard to believe that this time next week I’ll be back in New York! Once this is all over with I’ll be posting links to some news articles and other information about the science behind these trial medications. For now, some cuddle time with Cassidy. She’s as glad to have me home as I am to be home. 🙂