I have Complex-PTSD due to childhood abuse: a form of PTSD that is non-combat related. I know…it’s weird. Because PTSD is so poorly understood, I decided to participate in clinical research. After putting my own treatments on hold to be a part of one brain imaging study and two clinical drug trials, I no longer could rely on my previous meds to keep me functional. And to be honest – I was on too many pharmaceuticals, especially when I could have just taken a hit off a joint a couple times a day to control the majority of my symptoms.
Three more days until I depart for New York, and I’m not sure if what I am feeling is nervousness, excitement or anxiety. Probably a mix of everything. I want time to stop and speed up at the same time! As much as I dislike taking my routine medication, whenever I go off of it I am reminded as to why I am on it in the first place. Amazingly enough I’ve been able to fall asleep without too much of an issue lately, however the nightmares have been kicking my ass for the past few days. My parents keep
Two days off meds, and I’m aching pretty much everywhere. Going to go rest some more. All will be well.
Sometimes keeping a positive attitude is ridiculously difficult. The more challenges I face, the more I appreciate the strength of those who really do have the ability to roll with the punches. The PTSD study was delayed once again, which means I’m back on my meds (a good thing), but will have to come off of them again in just a little over a week (a god-awful thing). Thankfully this time the dates are set in stone; as in, the airfare and hotel has already been booked. It’s a good thing, because I’ve just about reached my limit. The ups
2014 has been a challenging year – and that’s putting it mildly. Due to my continued participation in PTSD Research, I am now once again officially “Off my meds” for the fourth time. It isn’t easy. Having been treated for years with these drugs to help with depression and anxiety, it’s like being a yo-yo. I can’t do this much more. While I understand why this research requires a pharmaceutical-free brain, as I sit here in a constant state of anxiety with nightmares starting to return, at times it is a struggle to keep the faith. I do this because