So the dates are set, tickets are booked and I’m a go for launch. As some of you are aware, I took part in a clinical research study several months ago. In a collaborative effort between NYU and Yale, I underwent a series of extensive physical and psychological evaluations as well as MRI and PET imaging of my brain. I have been invited to return and participate in two clinical studies for medications that are being specifically developed to treat the symptoms of PTSD, and am excited for the opportunity to contribute once more. Unfortunately, this means three more weeks
Tomorrow – off to New York for my first round of PTSD-specific research medication. It’s been a very long road getting to this point. Thousands of miles traveled, extensive psychological and physical workups, a variety of brain imaging. However, it has been as rewarding as it has been exhausting. TEN MONTHS of planning and preparation. I have been taken off and put back on medications five times due to false starts. I am fried. But here I am, FINALLY. After all this time, all the delays, all the highs, all the lows – it’s time. I am ready. I have
Screening went quick and painless today. Got the full work up again, they took some blood samples and cut me loose for the day! I’m proud of myself…I didn’t just hole up in my room! I hopped on the first train I could and ended up at Times Square, then headed down to the 9/11 Memorial which was absolutely beautiful. I have a free day tomorrow, and “the big day” is on Thursday – the day I first start the meds, more brain imaging and triggering sessions. One thing at a time though…I’ll be enjoying a nice, quiet night in
Pfizer Drug Trial: Day 1 (Visit 2) Day One ….is done. It was a very long, 10 hour day, but productive. fMRI imaging, mild electrical shocks to the wrist to induce stress, etc. – but the worst is over. Tomorrow I only have one fMRI/trigger session. Today’s happenings: after reporting to the NYU School of Medicine Clinical and Translational Science Institute (CTSI), an IV was placed, ECG completed, and several blood tests were taken. Various assessments were given, and the obligatory drug and pregnancy screenings were completed, as well as a breathalyzer to verify that I hadn’t consumed any alchohol. I
The hard part is over, and I now have in my possession the remainder of my trial medication. I report back to NYU in just under a week for the final fMRI and to turn in my medication dosing diary. I feel…well, I feel great. Comfortable in my own skin. A feeling I haven’t had in a very long time. Is this the result of medication, could it be the placebo effect, or just me being me? Again, only time will tell. Whatever it is, I am giving myself permission to enjoy it. 🙂 I reported to CBI early this
I’ve been out and about for over 3 hours now, off scouting the Statue of Liberty inside and out, walking Ellis Island, and enjoying the ferry. I felt a little anxious on the subway… simply out of concern that I might miss my ferry. All has been well. This flying NYC solo thing isn’t half bad. In fact, it’s quite lovely. So much to take in – I have always loved the City. It is so nice to have the opportunity to explore it at my leisure. Still, now I am ready to head back, put down a hot meal
Sleep. The Good Kind. And NYC Shuts Down I am becoming fully convinced that there is nothing quite as healing as a good night’s rest. The past few nights I’ve had the best sleep (NO nightmares!) I’ve had in years… I can’t even remember the last time I’ve slept this well. It’s been a deep, restful sleep. Not the kind you get from a sleeping pill. Just a very natural feeling rest. Despite the rock-hard beds at the Jolly Madison. Amazing location, beds of steel. 😉 Is it medication? Is it exhaustion? Again, only time will tell. Dr Neumeister tells
So I had one of those crappy starts today. I woke up, made myself a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then proceeded to spill milk everywhere! Soggy sandwiches and (argh!!) SOGGY PHONE. The speakers stopped working on my phone, but luckily I was able to take it apart and dry it out with a hairdryer…and it works! Whew. So I said screw it and chucked the sandwiches in the trash and am enjoying a plateful of buttermilk pancakes and a hot cup of coffee before heading out for one last adventure. Onward. 🙂
Heading in for my last fMRI and workup…then on to home this afternoon! Today will be a few hours of some final assessments, and I have to turn in my medication cooler and dosing diary. There will be a final workup…ECG, vitals and another slew of paperwork to finish. I will have one more fMRI/trigger session, then I am homeward bound. I am so ready.
Taking a little time to regroup after this last round – and to gear up for the next study. It’s hard to believe that this time next week I’ll be back in New York! Once this is all over with I’ll be posting links to some news articles and other information about the science behind these trial medications. For now, some cuddle time with Cassidy. She’s as glad to have me home as I am to be home. 🙂
I really need to get some sleep…I have to be at the hospital for screening at 8:30. The past few nights my parents have been in my dreams again – not doing anything, not saying anything, just watching me and staring at me. It hasn’t been scaring me really; the best way I can describe it is that it has been creeping me out. I really wish I could get the hang of that lucid dreaming thing. Ah well…meditation time. Onward, onward, onward.