I have been debating on whether or not to share my current status here because I try to keep it as positive as possible, and don’t want to disappoint anyone by coming across as weak. On the advice of a very dear, strong friend – I will be honest. I am a bit of a wreck. Since the New York Times story about the canned PTSD studies went to print I’ve been fighting off feelings of guilt and shame. As more articles are published I keep seeing my name and the words childhood sexual abuse, and it is difficult. Quite
Well…that didn’t go quite as expected. It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but there have been some changes in the studies that I’ve kept quiet about for quite some time. I wasn’t really ready to share my disappointment. I left with the hope of the drug trials getting further approval and extending. I had an offer of participation from Dr Neumeister in longer-term trials, should they become available. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Both drug trials are no longer active; Dr Neumeister no longer works for NYU; all data from ALL THREE studies has been trashed; and there is
My brain is finally starting to really loosen up from 13 days of hell. At one point I felt so terrible I thought I was must be going to have a panic attack, but that never happened. It just felt like something was building, or tingling, or… something. It’s so difficult to describe. I wrote this on Thursday in an attempt to document what I was feeling. It was not easy, and it ended up taking several hours to write. I’m now feeling better, but I am exhausted. I’m getting back up on my feet. Now I just need to
I have a practice on here of being pretty honest about how I’m feeling. Right now I’m in the middle of a big fat FUBAR event. I have been for several days now. At first I thought it was just going to be a little anxiety attack. It kept going and growing, but still up until just a few minutes ago I thought it was going to pass. This feels weird and awful. I just feel…ugh. It’s hard to describe.